Saturday, October 31, 2015

Spooky Triathlon Stuff

I love the “kid” aspects of Halloween (my kids dressing up, kids coming to the door, etc), but I’m not exactly a big Halloween guy… I don’t watch horror flicks, I’m not interested in haunted houses, and I don’t dress up. I do, however, eat my share of candy.

That said, in the spirit of Halloween, here are the Top 10 “spookiest” triathlon-related nightmares, as provided by myself, some teammates, and a few other friends:

10) “It’s the classic ‘naked in T1’ nightmare for me. I exit the water and strip off my wetsuit, and only as I’m mounting my bike do I realize I’ve literally stripped. I guess all I really need to ride is a helmet and bike shoes though, right?”

9) “Who are these psycho, lycra-clad people chasing me?!?”

8) “I have a recurring dream in which the ‘swim course’ isn’t in water at all. Often times it’s sand and sometimes it’s just the ground. To complete the ‘swim’ I basically have to army crawl and ‘pretend swim’ my way to transition. I’m guessing this is accompanied with me making swimming motions on my mattress.”

7) My own, as described after a 70.3 a couple years ago. "I was so focused on not missing my swim wave, but lo and behold I kept getting distracted. In my dream it was like the rest of my age group was pulling a prank on me. I’d turn my head for a second, then look up and they’d be sneaking down to the water, and I was like 'oh come on!!' They’d sheepishly come back to the shore, as if to say 'ok, ok you caught us, you caught us,' then I’d turn away again and they'd be back to their old tricks. At this point I was like oh hail no, and hustled out to the water. I made it in time, but then things got really weird. The lake transformed into a wide river with a really strong current, almost like I wasn’t swimming at all and just flowing down some rapids. Part of this involved being spun around in a whirlpool and then spit out down one of those curvy, waterpark slides."

6) “I often dream about being in the lead at a race, only to get utterly lost on the course. It’s not pleasant.”

5) “I have that dream where you realize that your next big race is only days away. You get the cold sweats and it’s absolutely terrifying… oh crap, that’s not a dream?”

4) “I often find myself in a race where the course is like a big obstacle course that sometimes includes running through someone’s house up and down different flights of stairs. These courses have a tendency to not be well-marked. Do I continue up to the 3rd floor or turn around at the master bath??”

no worries, baby, I got your bike right here!

3) “I had a crazy dream before a race one time of waking up late, driving like a mad woman to the race start, only to realize I forgot my bike. Desperately called my coach to explain where my bike was and asked him to bring it. He showed up in a Smart car with my bike in pieces. Lots of scambling. STRESSFUL. I woke up before I found out whether I could race or not.”  

2) “For me the worst nightmare was dreaming I won a race. As the crowd chanted my name I woke up to realize it was all a façade. I went on to have a truly terrible race.”

1) “Runnnnnnnning soooooo sloooooowww, cannnnnn’tt mooooooovvve myyyyyyyy leggggggsss!!”

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