I'm not quite sure how to say this with any grace or dignity, so I'm just going to say it.
I have buns of steel.
I'm not saying this to "brag," or to infer that this is good or bad... it's simply a fact. I think I was just born with this characteristic, with an assist from lots of activity over the years. At times my glutes have been a major asset to me. In college, word got around and they became a bit of a party trick. Girls would literally line up on occasion to give them a feel. I didn't mind this activity. At other times they've been a major liability. Yesterday going through security at the Charlotte airport was one such example. I stood in the high-tech security thing (the highly controversial one in which they essentially see you in your birthday suit) and assumed the position.
As I walked out, the following conversation took place:
Security Guy: "Sir, do you have something in your back pocket?"
Me: "Oh yeah, my wallet" (as I take it out)
SG: "Sir, I need to pat down your buttocks"
Me: "Uh, ok" (I instinctively flex as this dude starts groping me)
SG: "Sir, do you have anything else in your pockets?"
Me: "No sir"
SG: "Sir are you concealing something?"
Me "No sir"
To make a long story short, I eventually showed them I didn't have anything else in my pockets. They did some test on my hands to check for traces of explosives. After passing that, I was on my way. Crazy times.