Triathlon Trash Talk

I stumbled on this gem the other day (circa 1989). I was bored, so I took a few minutes to tweak the lyrics.... no one talks trash funnier than old school rappers did, but if a pro or elite age group triathlete took a shot at it, it might go something like this. 

Well excuse me, take a few minutes, to mellow out the tri daddy's on the mic and I'ma tell you bout
My maximum strength, at any race length, and power

So listen to the man of the hour
I flow and roll to a fast tempo while, you know, you swim slow, bike slow, run slow fo sho

I go strong, as I perform, transformin on race day like a Decepticon

But I'm not animated like a cartoon I'm for real, kick the swim off like a harpoon
Across the crowd, competitors, the spectators 

So let's groove with the smooth operator

I tri so smooth...

The B-I-G  T-R-I-A-T-H-L-E-T-E        

I'm good and plenty, servin many and any

Competition, yo I'm in top condition
I'm straight up dissin and dismissin, listen

Others have big smiles, Facebook profile
They try hard but can't hang in the last mile 

I give nightmares to those who compete

I'm like Freddy Kreuger, walkin down your street

Confused, you lose while I abuse and bruise the fools
who choose to play the game wrong, they pay dues

Destruction from the exterminator
But in a calm manner, cause I'm a smooth operator

I tri so smooth...

Macca is never shy around the mic

Now ya'll step up to this
One simple diss, and it's over miss
Ya'll are big dreamers, but in reality
My friend, you've been scooped like ice cream
So I'll bring my ring as the gathering tries to cling...
Cuz it's a Tri Daddy thing
And I'm smokin'em right word is bond
Sing the national anthem then Let's Get It On
My pace is real good yet I feel real good
Makin' sure that my point is understood
That when it comes to this there's none greater
Sincerely yours... the smooth operator

I tri so smooth...

rap to us, Meredith

Now ain't that the pot callin the kettle black
Sayin I'm just a hack, you need to be smacked
The smooth way I play'em & the way that I spray'em
God made me different in a way, I'm gifted
Just sayin' makin sure every race is done fine
I make like a bee line, future bright as the sunshine
Attack you like Robatussin on a cough
If you can't go like I go -- step off!
Competition, I'ma get rid of
You can't get a bit of, so just consider
A break or rest, vacation, hibernation
And make way for my smooth operation 

I'm a smooth operator

I tri so smooth...

Ahhhhh yeahhh, I don't stop
Genuine in rain or shine
And I'm never half-steppin

Peace!

Original post: June 2013